car jamming

I've really been in the doldrums lately. I guess it's less like depressed and more like apathy, but I haven't felt like writing, and that signals to me that my thoughts, emotions and experiences are not clicking into anything meaningful.

Today, on my way to work, I popped in a new live cd from U2's Vertigo Tour concert in Milan, which I received for joining the U2.com fan club. It was 10 am, I was driving my regular route from I-94 in Milwaukee west toward Waukesha, and Bono was singing the best song ever, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For."

I have heard that songs hundreds of time, and at any stage I am in life, particularly related to spirituality, it just always rings true.

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you.

I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you.

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her finger tips
It burned like fire
(I was) burning inside her.

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone.

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colours will bleed into one
Bleed into one.
But yes, I'm still running.

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross of my shame
Oh my shame, you know I believe it.

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

These are words that so many people know by heart, sometimes in their subconscious, just like people know the words to Coldplay's "Don't Panic" and Sarah McLachlan's "Possession," because they are so ubiquitous. They play in their real and elevator versions in restaurants, stores, random public places, everywhere. But these particular words still hold so much meaning for me, they can never go cliche.

So driving west in my salt and sand-caked car, warm inside the heated bubble, I sang at the top of my lungs, to this song, one of my five favorites in the world, like I have many times before. There's something about belting out fabulous lyrics with one of the greatest rock stars of all times, in your car. No one hears, and who cares if anyone sees? It makes me feel alive.

And this morning, it was extra-exhilarating. I really needed some stimulation, something to wake up my soul and my emotions more than anything.